Balance
Balance. It’s easier said than done. Throughout the course of my life thus far, balance in my life has been something I have fought and struggled to obtain, whether it is physical, emotional, or social. Growing up, I was raised in a household where everyone was expected to give their all, all the time. Through watching my parents and grandparents work tirelessly to give my sister and I everything that we desired, at a young age I knew that the least I could do was put my all into everything that I did.
So I did. At school I gave my all until my grades were nothing less than perfect. In dance, I trained 30 hours each week until I felt I had reached my maximum growth (spoiler alert its impossible to reach maximum growth). As a result of working to achieve this standard, I turned away from going out with friends, using that time to study and train in my basement. I pushed myself so hard that it hurt me both physically and emotionally.
Eventually, I developed a toxic perception of perfectionism that didn’t exist. I was hard on myself when I didn’t reach the perfect standard that I desired. I lacked balance in my life. That is why I am here talking to you today. Balance is crucial to our well being as humans. According to Oxford languages it is “an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady.” Looking back today from a state of more balance than I was in before, my weight was not evenly distributed throughout everything that I put on my plate. Over time, I have realized that it is literally impossible to not only be perfect, but to give 100% to everything that I do all the time(though I still try). Now granted, I am not saying that you should slack off, but it’s okay to relax sometimes. In fact, I have found that when I take some time to regroup, I come back stronger, physically and mentally. During my ACL rehabilitation, I had to step away from dancing for over a year, which was beyond difficult. On the other hand, I have a greater appreciation for the art form and its ability to make me feel loved and happy during my rehabilitation.
Screenshot from my first class back after surgery!
I wasn’t able to walk very well, however I was able to dance from a chair! Though being a “chair dancer” was a bit awkward to explain to friends and family, it was a great stress reliever and a way for me to stay connected to the art that I loved so much even when physically impaired.
I am here today because I want to talk to all of the people who are jeopardizing their own well being to chase an ideology that doesn't exist. Looking back there is so much that I wish I knew prior to falling down the rabbit hole of perfectionism at such a young age. As you may have already gathered from my other blog posts, I like lists, so I am going to share my biggest advice with you in that way.
Zoom out- When you are feeling overwhelmed and scared of failure, take a step back at all that you have achieved since the start of whatever you are stressing about. I often find myself stressing about dance and letting down the teammates and faculty whom I care about so much. when I find myself getting trapped in this cycle of toxic thoughts, I take a look back at my old dance videos to see how far I have come. Little things like these ground and calm me, allowing me to think more clearly.
Make a schedule and don’t procrastinate- often I find myself feeling the most overwhelmed when I hold things off to the last minute. Rather than procrastinate, I keep multiple calendars and plan out my schedule a few days before. This helps me direct my attention to what is the most important in that moment. If I have a schedule, it is easier for me to give my all to a certain activity rather than being clouded and overwhelmed by everything I have to get done.
STOP- Often I feel like I have one hundred different types of things that I need to be giving my attention to, and just the mere thought of that is enough to make me internally explode. Sometimes taking a day or even a few minutes to mediate, stretch, exercise, or do whatever you find relaxing is a good way to clear you mind and regroup so that you can focus
Cut down- It is important to know what you are investing your time in and why you are doing it. It is easy to overbook yourself with things that you think you are supposed to be doing to be be successful, but are not necessary. For me, as a bit of an overachiever, I realized very quickly that I have to cut out the activities in my life that I don’t enjoy because it is hard to give 100% to something that you don’t even find interesting or fun. Now, I only invest myself in extracurricular activities that I think I would enjoy. Some examples of this would be dance, baking and blogging! All of these things bring be joy and are calming because I like to share my experiences and passions with others. Rather than cause more distress in my life, I find that these activities restore balance, because I genuinely enjoy anything that involves them.
Today, while I am stilling aiming to achieve a state of balance in my life, I have learned to manage my stressors in a way that is healthy and even fulfilling. I am not as hard on myself as I used to be and I don’t commit myself to extracurricular things that I know I won’t find enjoyable or interesting. I’ve even found joy in the little things, such as learning how to walk again and teaching dance to younger children.
This was the first time I lifted my leg after my first surgery!!
Moral of the story, find the things that truly make you happy and excite you. If you are able to do this, it will make managing your stress a lot easier. Now granted there are things you have to do that you may not enjoy, such as doing the laundry or dishes, but if you invest yourself in your passions and follow some of the advice above, it may be easier to handle the stress you encounter, allowing you to find some of the balance in your life.